Today was the fourth full day of school. It went.... ok. Could have been better, but wasn't horrible.
But! I realized something today regarding classroom management. A little breakthrough that may have made me feel better. As you know, classroom management is the area of teaching with which I was most concerned. It is the area where I think I am (and many other first year teachers are) most lacking. You really have to find your own style of management, and you can only do that to a certain extent while student teaching and subbing. Finding your style and finding what works will take time. Today I realized that maybe I've set unrealistic expectations of myself. Maybe I've set unrealistic expectations of my students. Today I realized that maybe the fact that there are so many different classroom management techniques and plans, and volume after volume after volume published about classroom management, means that a "perfect" classroom is non-existent. No one else can figure out the perfect plan either, so they keep studying it and writing the next great management book. Maybe I'm letting that one boy who gets up without permission upset me too much, or I'm letting the one little side conversation that's happening while I'm teaching irritate me more than it should. Now, before I have everyone freaking out thinking I'm going to let these things happen in my classroom, rest assured I'm not. I will tell the boy to go back to his seat and finish his work (or give him another assignment). I will move closer to the students having the conversation and give them the famous "teacher look." What I need to STOP doing is taking it so personally. I see these things as such a huge negative reflection on my teaching. But is it realistic of me to expect these little things to never happen? Do I need to lighten up on myself a little? I mean, it's not like I have all 21 students up and climbing the bookshelves. It's just the same few students over and over for the same "violations." I guess since its such a new job and since I filled the position of a teacher whose contract wasn't renewed, I'm worried about my performance and if it's good enough. As a result, I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to create perfection... and I don't know if one 33 year old and twenty one 9 and 10 year olds are capable of perfection. I think I need to relax and go with the flow a little more. Maybe the management part will start to come more naturally.
At lunch time I asked some of the other teachers how there classes were doing behavior-wise. They all made it sound like it's all sunshine and rainbows in their classrooms. I asked the 5th grade teacher (because that's the group I subbed for when they were in 4th grade last year) how that group was, knowing full well that some of them had to be trouble. She made it sound like everything was perfect. So I asked her about her discipline plan. She does the good old name-on-the-board technique. As she's explaining this, she motioned to the board --- there must have been 15 names up there! She has 21 kids, just like I do. Maybe, then, she's not any better at this than I am???
I hate to make it sound like the students are bad because they aren't! Really they aren't! It's just that classroom management is an interesting challenge to me and I'm fascinated as to how other teachers go about it. I have no problem acknowledging that it's a challenge, while many of my colleagues don't seem to want to admit that they may be struggling a little (15 names on the board?!?). But maybe I can get away with admitting it because I'm just a newbee.... perhaps they figure they've been doing this longer and should know what they're doing by now. Who knows?
And can I just mention that I hate that we start before Labor Day? That short week was not very productive. Since it was followed by a 4 day weekend, which was like summer vacation all over again, I practically had to start over and review things we did last week.
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